Video footage of the artist/author, Gillian Maurer, in a shiny gold costume performing live demonstrations of nonthreatening transgender athletic advantages (ie. alone, without the presence of a cisgender competitor who might be unfairly disadvantaged by being cisgender), through the use of aerial silks. Audio is an excerpt of Glass Animals.

1. Defend your existence on a daily basis. Nothing gets you swole like being told repeatedly your existence is invalid, and having to find new and exciting ways to say that you are a human with a right to basic dignity.

2. Submit yourself to rigorous scientific testing. Medical science, social science, genetic science, if it has a test, you should be the subject. As you know, Guinea pigs are one of the most athletically capable species on earth, and this is primarily due to their frequent testing. If you can get your friends to debate the validity of your test results in front of you, that’s just a little bonus. Think of it as an extra rep at the end of a long day at the gym.

3. Figured out how to verbally defend your existence? Add in physically defending yourself as well, since that trans advantage ™ means you’re about to be at significantly higher risk of physical assault than your cis counterparts.

4. As you’ve probably heard, medical advantages are a big part of why trans athletes are so hard to beat. Much of this is thanks to the frequent medical malpractice and discrimination they endure while trying to access basic care, and the advantage only gets better if they are wrapped up in trying to access financially inaccessible gender affirming care—so go for it! Ask your doctor how many ways they can simultaneously pathologize you and deny you access to care for an optimal athletic advantage!

5. Did you know your job can help give you a competitive edge too? Workplace harassment and discrimination in employment can help build superhuman endurance—a definite advantage in elite athletics.

6. Worried you’ll lose your advantage when you’re off the clock? No sweat, higher rates of housing discrimination and houselessness will keep you sharp and ready even when you’re trying to relax.

7. But when I’m on vacation for the holidays, I might get outpaced by a cis person with a more dedicated training regimen, right? WRONG! Since you’re now gifted with the advantage of having family members disown you, distance from you, or actively cause harm to you, spending your off time with transphobic family is a GREAT way to refine your competitive edge.

8. As you may have intuited, many of these advantages are even more pronounced for trans femmes. Don’t forget that if you want the *best* advantage, peppering in a healthy dose of trans misogyny will increase all of these advantages by making them more intense.

9. Pro tip: if you want even more edge, try sprinkling in other intersectionally impactful social constructions like race, citizenship or criminalization. Those cis folx will be no match for your athletic prowess!